UNSPOKEN FEELINGS
by Annelda Michelle
Summary: A self insertion fanfic. Where Heero realizes his true feelings for a certian woman after she is seriously injured on a mission.


1"**Heero over here"**

Quatre is waving his hand to him among the crowd in the waiting room of the hospital. His statement doesn't seem right.

"**How is she?**"

Heero asked between his fast breath after driving over the roads speed limit and running straight into the hospital.

"**The doctor didn't come out for almost four hours."**

"**What took that long Winner?"**

His voice was nearly shouted and he punched the wall nearby with the side of his fist.

"**Heero, now look her gundam is nothing more than a wrecked doll. I can say that it is almost a miracle that she could contact us or even...even survived, you understand?"**

Quatre tried to calm Heero down, he had never see the Wing Zero pilot out of character like this before. Heero tried to take a deep breath and asked.

"**Where are the others?"**

"**They're waiting in front of the operation room, we should join them."**

...

Mean while in front of the waiting room.

"**What do you think Duo?"**

Trowa is leaning against the wall his arms across his chest and asking in an incredibly calm voice compared to the situation.

"**About? Annelda or the mission?" **

Trowa stared back and made a slight curve at the corner of his mouth.

"**I'm glad you put the mission after your sister."**

"**Trowa?"**

That's the two syllables that he sent out along with his metal glare.

"**About Annelda, do you think she can make it?"**

"**Judging from the condition that she was in when I dug her out of the gundam. It's 50/50."**

"**50/50? I didn't expect you to say that Duo."**

"**Alright, there's only 15% for her to survive."**

As soon as he finished his sentence, he felt on rough hand grab his shirt and a hard fist on his cheekbone. Duo lost his balance and hit the wall.

"**What was that for Heero?"**

He asked spitting a bloody tooth out and death in his eyes.

"**15% how can you say that, she is your sister for Christ sake?"**

Heero's eyes were burning with anger to. Duo tried to punch him back but was stopped by Wufei and Quatre.

"**That's enough both of you Calm down"**

Wufei yelled at them.

"**All we can do now is wait, we already have enough stress so don't make things worse"**

Duo and Heero freed themselves from Wufei and Quatre's hands and Duo sat back on the bench, Duo ignored Heero who started walking around. After long minutes of walking back and forth, Wufei said.

"**Sit down Heero that won't help."**

Heero was amazed at Wufei's soothing tone and moved to sit next to him.

"_Annelda, please don't die"_

Heero thought, with tears welling up in his eyes.

...

(FLASHBACK)

"**Heero"**

Shouted Annelda while she gave Heero her flying attack and ended up on top of him. Both of her hands pressing Heero's wrist to the floor.

"**Annelda, get off of me"**

"**No, now Heero you lost the bet, you must do what I say"**

She said with a big smile on her face as she leaned in closer to Heero's.

"**I didn't say a thing and I didn't bet on it."**

He tried to escape the energetic pilots grip but she was tougher than she looked.

"**Chicken? You loser!"**

Annelda said while she dropped her nose down to nuzzle her prey's neck.

"**Stop that Annelda"**

Annelda paused he ministration a little to say.

"**You sure, you didn't mind the other night."**

"**Yes get off of me"**

Then Annelda let Heero go, she sat back and waited with a big smile.

"**Look Annelda, I'm not going to..."**

"**You won't? Do you have any idea how hard it is to polish all our gundams with in a day? Come on; Wufei, Trowa, Quatre and Duo did what I demanded, you're the last one."**

"**Sorry Annelda, I have more important things to do."**

Heero stood up and wished he could get out of the living room and away from Annelda, as fast as he could. But Annelda, grinning Annelda jumped on Heero's back. Heero was lying on the floor again but this time his chest and stomach face the floor with Annelda's hands on his wrist once again.

"**Too slow Heero, now it's time for some fun."**

"**No!"**

Annelda lowered her mouth close to Heero's neck and used her teeth to bite and kiss him a little bit.

"**There! That was easy."**

She whispered. In Heero's ear, then she released him, Heero got up rubbed his neck where she bit him. Heero tried to turn his face away. Annelda was stunned at the fact that he didn't turn. He kept looking with a smile. She swallowed and managed to speak.

"**Come on Heero, now you're kind of freaking me out, stop staring at me like that."**

Heero exhaled in frustration no one had ever seen him like this before, but Annelda did it just for fun. He turned to Annelda and said.

"**Are you satisfied?"**

"**Excuse me"**

He didn't notice Annelda's blue eyes were glowing with something inside.

"**Heero, I ..."**

"**What?" **

He didn't wait for an answer but stormed out of the room.

(END FLASHBACK)

...

The operating room door was open, all five pilots rushed to the doctor.

"**Are you all with Ms. Morris?"**

"**Yes, how is she?"**

They all said in unison.

"**I won't say that she is going to be alright, due to the amount of blood loss and some of her major organs aren't functioning properly, but we did our best. We'll just wait and see."**

"**Can we see her?"**

Quatre asked.

"**We'll move her to ICU, go ahead and wait there."**

"**Wait! How can we just wait?"**

Heero said angrily.

...

(FLASHBACK)

"**Please Heero come with me."**

Annelda asked with innocent eyes kneeing beside Heero's bed.

"**It's not my business."**

Heero answered and continued reading his book and rolled on his side away from Annelda.

"**Heero there is no one else home. Tomorrow will be Christmas Eve and I need a Christmas tree."**

"**That's nonsense Annelda; I see no use in it."**

With long silence Heero expected Annelda to either continue begging or get out of his room but the only silence with a little sound of sobs followed. He turned to see Annelda crying.

"**Annelda what's wrong?"**

Heero had never seen her cry before and there was an unknown feeling tearing at his heart.

"**I've waited all my life for this Christmas, you know? I celebrated Christmas fifteen years ago with my family and it was a tradition to get a tree and I want to keep it going in their memory."**

Annelda's past made Heero regret his words. He never knew that this woman use to have a harsh life.

"**After my family was killed, I was trained to be a gundam pilot. I didn't even have a chance to think about Christmas. This is my first Christmas after this damn war, Heero I..."**

"**Ok Annelda anything you want."**

Heero said as he wiped Annelda's tears away with his fingers.

(END FLASHBACK)

...

"**Are all of you with Ms. Morris? You can see her now."**

The nurse said to the five boys.

"**But she hasn't gain consciousness, if she doesn't by tomorrow morning..."**

"**What?"**

They all said in unison and glared at each other.

"**She may not get up again."**

"**What do you mean by that?"**

Heero shouted at the nurse.

"**Like the doctor said her body was too weak. Don't make me answer any further questions. You don't want to know."**

The boys shook their heads in disbelief.

"**I'm going in."**

Heero said as he pushed open the door. Inside, Annelda was lying on the white bed, her pale body entangled with tubes from medical equipment along with the oxygen mask. The only sign of breathing and a noise from the heartbeat parameter were the evidence that she was still alive. The other four boys followed Heero inside and didn't say anything until the trembling voice of Quatre broke the silence.

"**Somebody must stay here with her; I'll get your clothes."**

"**Do you want to stay Heero?"**

Wufei asked, his voice sounded like he knew something but Heero neither replied nor turned back. Duo and Quatre were not sure if they could hear Wufei's question and Quatre was about to call his name out but Trowa touched Quatre's shoulder lightly in protest. His green eyes guided Quatre to look at Heero's hands that were clutched tightly into fist.

"**I and Trowa and Duo will check her gundam, Duo is going to get you some clothes, and you stay here and take care of her Heero."**

Wufei said. Then this time Heero nodded slightly and said.

"**Turn off the light before you go, she doesn't like it."**

As Duo left he whispered something in Heero's ear as he put a hand on his shoulder, Wufei and Trowa left the room and Quatre said.

"**I think I have to tell you something Heero!"**

"**Can we talk later?"**

Quatre wasn't sure if Heero's voice was trembling when he heard this.

"**Just one thing, Heero."**

"**What is it Quatre?"**

"**I think Annelda is in love with you."**

Quatre said in a low voice, and waited for the other boy's reaction.

"**Yes, I think I know that too."**

"**You know, so why didn't you do anything?"**

"**Do what; what do you want me to do Winner?"**

"**Anything Heero, do you love her?"**

"**Get out Winner!"**

Heero yelled at the blonde headed boy.

"**Fine but think about it Heero!"**

Quatre yelled back as he left the room.

...

(FLASHBACK)

"**Heero, are you still awake?"**

Annelda said after knocking on Heero's door.

"**You're going to wake me anyway, what is it?"**

Heero got off his bed to open the door and saw Annelda standing there crying.

"**I can't sleep, would you, um, let me stay here?"**

"**What's the difference between your room and mine?"**

"**Well Quatre and Trowa are discussing their new mission, I don't want to bother them by telling them to turn off the light, besides I just, had a bad dream, I don't want to sleep alone."**

She said as more tears started to fall. Not many men can resist this sweet request, but unfortunately, Heero was one of them.

"**Go to your brother's room then."**

He said and closed the door but even Heero himself didn't know why he said that, maybe he felt that Annelda is going to change him, or maybe it was him that changed because of Annelda and he didn't want to admit it.

(END FLASHBACK)

...

"**Annelda, I'm so sorry, please get up and curse me for ignoring you Duo as he left said for me to take care of you, but I, I can't..."**

"**Open your eyes Annelda, please!"**

Heero said laying his hand on Annelda's squeezing it a little as if it was going to make Annelda feel his existence; he lifted that pale hand to his damp cheek.

"**Yes I'm a coward, I don't want to face the truth and I even barely know my feelings. I still hide, still lie. But Annelda I swear to you and to myself; if only you will open your eyes again, I'll not run away anymore. I'll do anything you want. I'll let you kiss and bite my neck whenever you want, I'll go with you where ever you want. I'll not let your cruel past hurt you no matter what day or night and if you want to hear it, I'll say it, Annelda... I LOVE YOU."**

...

"_I love you."_

The words still echoed in Heero's brain. Many long tormenting hours passed. Heero couldn't even think of sleep, he just sat there beside Annelda. He never thought the silence of this woman could make him lose his mind this much. He looked at her, the pale bruised skin in the moonlight. No doubt that when she woke up the physical pain from them would hurt her. He cursed himself for his stupidity because he can do nothing more than touch Annelda's hand just to make sure she is still here. And then he saw Annelda say something in her sleep under the oxygen mask. He checked her respiration counter. I read normal, so she removed the mask and leaned closer to listen.

"**Wufei, Wufei help me don't leave me alone."**

Heero was shocked Why Wufei? Even in her fatal state all she could think of was Wufei? He suddenly felt stupid, he thought Annelda liked him but, is it just misreading. Annelda said those words over and over, in Heero's eyes that reflected nothing more than Annelda's feelings for Wufei. He always thought he was compatible for no one but her. But he just made up his mind. He wanted to risk everything with Annelda when she woke up. His pride, his honor, his feelings but maybe it was too late. Just the words I love you and all the rest of the time in his life wasn't enough compared to all the bad things he had done. He couldn't revoke anything.

"**Wufei, Wufei."**

Heero couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He let them fall down his face. He reached out his hand to Annelda's forehead and soothed her gently.

"**Annelda, it's me Wufei, I'm here with you. You don't have to worry about a thing. You're going to be fine Annelda, so you hear me? Promise me one thing Annelda. Let me see your smile once more."**

He barely said those words and it hurt him so much. He removed his hand from Annelda's forehead and replaced it with a light kiss, he whispered the words I love you for Wufei and goodbye for himself. Heero retreated to outside of the room, sobbing with no one but the cold wall before him. He heard footsteps behind him that should be Quatre. He turned to him, wearing a nicely mask, Heartless Bastard.

"**Where have you been Winner? I'm very tired."**

He called.

"**I helped Wufei and Trowa check on her gundam, it's heavily damaged."**

"**Whatever, I'm going home."**

Heero said and walked out.

"**But Heero what about Annelda? She needs you."**

Heero stopped at Quatre's words but didn't turn back.

"**She doesn't need me Winner, she didn't."**

He said in a monotone voice and left the hospital.

...

"**Tell me about you and Annelda?"**

Trowa asked when they finished listing all the broken parts of the gundam.

"**There is no I and Annelda."**

"**Come on Wufei don't lie to me."**

Wufei let out a small sigh and said.

"**I don't know either; she is just my friend, nothing more."**

Wufei said as they left the hanger.

...

After Quatre came in Annelda's room, he quickly checked all the status: heartbeat, respiration, blood pressure. Relieved that Annelda was safe now, thank god their gundam pilot had trained hard enough and didn't die easily. Annelda, just sleeping and ready to wake up at anytime. But something stalked Quatre's mind.

"**Why did Heero say that?"**

He wondered, he decided to ask Annelda about this. He had wanted to make things clear for Annelda and Heero for a long time. It's no fun at all to watch them both torment each other with unspoken feelings.

"**Oh! Annelda you're awake? I'm so glad. How do you feel?"**

"**Jeez, it hurts like hell, what happened?"**

"**The rifle beam from Aries hit you. Thank god you're still alive."**

"**Yeah looks like my ribs are broken."**

"**Yes, some of them, and your leg and arm as well."**

"**Huh, let's talk about that later. At least I'm still alive like you said."**

She tried to be cheerful; she didn't want her friend to worry too much about her.

"**What about the others?"**

She asked pointlessly.

"**Trowa, Wufei and Duo should be done with your gundam. I think they will be here soon and..."**

(Knock, knock) he was interrupted by the nurse.

"**Oh my you woke up too fast! Wait a sec, I will call the doctor."**

"**And what Quatre?"**

"**It's Heero, he's..."**

(Knock, knock) the nurse returned with the doctor.

"**Ms. Morris, this is unbelievable that you've gained consciousness this fast. Sorry to say it straight away, but at first even I thought you weren't going to make it."**

Annelda smiled at the doctor.

"**Thanks."**

"**Now let me check you."**

The doctor turned to Quatre.

"**I'll wait outside."**

Quatre walked out just in time. Trowa, Wufei and Duo with some clothes had arrived.

"**How is she?"**

Duo asked

"**Don't worry guys, she already woke up. The doctor is with her now."**

"**Where's Heero?"**

Trowa asked while looking around.

"**He left before Annelda woke up. I don't know what happened."**

"**That bastard!"**

Wufei hissed and punched his other palm.

"**I think I will deal with him myself, you three stay here!"**

Wufei left to find Heero.

...

At their safe house, Heero was standing at the stained glass door frame that leads to the wide open woods behind the house. He looked up at the sky. Bright sun light welcomed him to the real world. After the longest night of dreaming, dreaming of something that wasn't his, he didn't think he could face Annelda anymore. The best way for him to do so was to leave and get away from their life. Annelda and Wufei they should be good lovers without him. He didn't know where to go. To hell with that, he'll decide later. Now he just wanted to cool down from irrational thought. He stepped out the door, his bare feet walked on the cold grass that was still damp from the morning dew. He just walked and walked not knowing where to stop or why he should stop. His pace increased mindlessly, each footstep turned out to be a run, and he kept running. Faster and faster until he missed a step and stumbled, rolling on the ground. He faced the bright sky; he couldn't stop thinking of Annelda not even for a single minute. The sunlight just like Annelda's smile, both to bright him. He must keep that in mind from now on. Annelda's smile will be only for Wufei; only for Wufei. He brought one hand to his chest where his heart is, where it use to be. He wanted to feel if it still beat or not. Unfortunately, it still beat and didn't seem to stop. But even at that why he felt pain, it came right from his heart. Every beat of it caused so much pain.

"**Stop! Please stop..."**

He begged to no one, but his shattered mind.

...

When Wufei first entered the house, there was no sign of anybody. Then he walked to Heero's room, knocked lightly and said.

"**Heero, are you here? I need to talk to you**.

But no one replied. He knocked again and turned the door knob. Heero wasn't in the room. Wufei made a mental note that it was in very bad shape. Almost all the books on the shelf were scattered on the floor mixed with the pieces of broken mirror, a pillow and blanket were piled at the corner of the room and the painted vase was rolling in its water soaked the carpet. But nothing that he noticed was the bag near the door; it was well packed and untouched. He could guess that it was treated with a different temper of its owner.

"**Why are you here, Wufei?"**

Heero's voice came from behind, startling him. He couldn't manage to react.

"**I think we should talk."**

The two boys glared at each other silently and Heero retreated to the living room. Heero let his body fall down on the sofa, trying not to think about what Wufei want him to discuss. Wufei followed him and just stood before him, looking at him pitifully.

"**Why did you leave her?"**

Wufei started.

Heero looked back, anger rising. How can he ask him like this? Heero thought.

"**Why?**"

Heero laughed bitterly.

"**There's no need for me to be there."**

"**What are you talking about? You should have taken care of her till she woke up!" **

"**Why me Wufei? Why not you?"**

Heero stood up and started yelling.

"**What are you trying to say Heero?"**

"**I'm not a fool Wufei. My emotions may be good toys for both of you to play with, but I have feelings and I get hurt."**

Wufei frowned he didn't understand at all what Heero was saying. So he did deny a thing. Heero continued.

"**How can you do that Wufei? Annelda play around with me all the time and you let me stay there with her, aren't you jealous?"**

"**Jealous of what?"**

"**Don't play dumb with me Chang it won't work. Don't tell me you don't like her and don't tell me you don't know she didn't know she liked you!"**

"**I'm not; I don't, not in that way, where did you get an idea like that from?"**

"**Where? From my own eyes and ears! You may feel uneasy when I'm still around here but not for long. I will not bother you again!"**

Heero said and turned to his room but Wufei pulled his arm back and punched him heavily in the face. Heero fell to the floor, his anger was gone. He felt defeated and didn't attempt to fight back. In his mind Wufei had won.

"**Come on Heero fight back, you don't give up this easily do you?"**

"**I give up."**

He glared at Wufei wearily.

"**I said I give up. I want to be left alone please!"**

Heero pulled his knees to his chest and hid his face from Wufei. His hand covered both his ears and his world became narrow just to his curled body. Wufei almost didn't believe his eyes. What in the world could make this arrogant pilot turn out to be like this? It was no use to say anything else and Wufei wasn't the type of person to handle this situation easily like Quatre. He left Heero like that and headed back to the hospital.

Wufei arrived at the hospital and found Trowa, Quatre and Duo sitting next to Annelda's bed. Duo was at the head of the bed, naturally. Annelda hadn't changed positions since Wufei left, still sleeping peacefully.

"**Is she ok?"**

Wufei asked.

"**Yes, she's just sleeping. What about Heero?"**

"**He won't listen to anything. He said he's going to leave us."**

That's when Duo spoke up.

"**What! He can't leave."**

"**Annelda still needs to sleep, please lower your voices?"**

Trowa warned them when Annelda shifted to the other side of the bed. But quiet couldn't help anymore. Annelda was half awake.

"**Mmm, morning everyone. Is there something wrong? I heard that someone is going to leave?"**

"**Wake up and listen Annelda. Heero is going to leave."**

Wufei pulled her up by grabbing her gown roughly but the thing that woke her fully wake wasn't Wufei's action it was his sentence. Before she could find any other questions to ask, the door was knocked and opened hesitantly. Heero was standing there the four of them knew what they should do. They all moved to the door and all passed Heero without saying a word.

"**Looks like you're doing fine."**

Heero began his sentence when the footsteps faded out.

Heero bit down his lip and tried to speak.

"**I'm here to say good bye."**

Annelda was shocked. What went wrong while she slept? Did she do something wrong?

"**Why, Heero?"**

"**Because I can't stay with all of you, with you anymore..."**

"**Heero..."**

"**Annelda I know I'm making things worse but, but I'm very sorry Annelda... I."**

He tried very hard to stare into those blue eyes. At least he wanted to face her when he said.

"**I love you!"**

Annelda's mouth hung open. What was this? Heero loved her, but why must he leave? Her head was still hazy from the sleeping pills, so she didn't react fast. But.

"**Heero's going to leave?"**

She thought. She couldn't force her mind to find the words but her body; her broken body wouldn't allow Heero to walk away. She stood up and reached for him.

"**Hee..."**

Heero heard Annelda and turned back, Annelda was about to fall to the floor, but Heero caught her just in time. Heero cradled her in their embrace. Annelda couldn't stand straight away, so she used the only good arm to draw Heero closer.

"**Don't go Heero, I love you too."**

Annelda said as she started to sob. Heero wasn't sure if he heard correctly. He turned to look deep into the blue eyes seeking the truth.

"**But what about Wufei? Don't you love him?"**

"**Wufei? No why do you think that I love him?**"

"**You called his name in your sleep, you told him not to leave you."**

Annelda thought about that and her eyes widened. It must have been in her dream.

"**I get it. You want to know why I said that."**

Heero nodded doubtfully.

"**Because he's the only one I told about you and he helped me through the rough time you gave me. He's my friend, Heero, nothing more than that. There never could be."**

Heero couldn't decide what to do first between apologize to Annelda or curse himself for his craziness, but they were all forgotten by the sweet kiss that Annelda gave him. Heero helped Annelda back into the bed and Heero laid down beside her and held her in his arms till they both fell asleep in peace. Heero knowing she was safe and Annelda knowing she was loved.

"**I love you Heero!"**

"**I love you too Annelda!"**


End file.
